03. Coming back home to ourselves
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Hello to all 43 of you! Thank you for being here. Your presence is felt by me.
The intention of this newsletter is to share the explorations and treasures from my work with clients in hopes that it is in support of you too. Please share this freely with anyone you think it might be in service of.
I meet you here this week in a world different to the one we communed in two weeks ago. It feels important to name the shift in the landscape that we are all operating in.
It also feels important to name that many of us are experiencing a war and mass tragedy for the first time as parents (or caretakers of any sort). For me personally, this shift has been profound and disorientating at times.
As I sensed into what felt in support of this community at this moment, I was called to bring you the practice of self-observation. It is a pillar of my coaching work and a practice I invite all of my clients into.
Through the practice of self-observation, we can come to know ourselves intimately and become more able to bring our fullest selves to our relationships and into a world that is in desperate need of our fullest, most human selves.
We need us, the world needs us
Self-observation is a practice that we can always use to come back into ourselves when we feel disorientated or disconnected.
Right now, there is so much in front of us that can quickly pull us out of ourselves. And that is ok. In fact, that is human. We are relational beings that see ourselves in others.
However, we live in our own distinct bodies - to include our emotional and spiritual bodies. We cannot abandon ourselves for the world, because if we do, we in fact abandon the world. In this moment, I invite you to come back to yourself, to honor yourself and see that all of you is needed in the world.
The practice of observing ourselves in the world
In this moment in time, perhaps you are feeling extreme emotions. Perhaps you find yourself ‘activated’ many times throughout the day. These moments lend themselves to self-observation. It is in these moments that something is happening in us. It is like a chemical reaction in a science experiment, and we are the scientists. In this moment we can turn curiosity towards ourselves.
I am speaking of the purest form of curiosity - like a scientist conducting an experiment - no judgements or hopeful outcomes, simply the data. It is a practice of opening our eyes to ourselves without any expectations and with an openness to what comes.
A simple question that can be in support of your inquiry is:
‘what is going on for me right now?’
Sometimes it is not the answers that are so important, but simply the acknowledgement of the you that is here alongside what is activating you.
I want to make a clear distinction, our activated self is not good or bad. It serves us and the collective in many ways. However, our activated self only shares part of ourselves. We have more within us to bring to the world.
I invite you to use self-observation to inquire past what is activated in you and back into yourself, perhaps meeting new parts of yourself and connecting with greater capacities within yourself.
Self-observation in practice
*I am going share a quick personal example as a way of grounding this concept into a practice*
I came across a parenting video on Instagram that was condemning the use of screens for kids.
I immediately became activated. I felt annoyed, frustrated, angry - I didn’t even follow this account! I hear myself saying, ‘but Ms Rachel is the only way I get anything done! Why is this person saying this to me!?’
I paused and I asked myself: “What is going on for me here?”
Here were my observations:
I noticed that I was taking on this advice as if it were a mandated fact. I noticed that I felt robbed of options. I noticed that I was afraid what he was saying was true. I noticed that I was frustrated.
Once I named those things, I was able to see them as separate to me and to my center. Now in contact with my center, I could see that this was not a mandate - it was up to me what I did with this information. I noticed a capacity in myself to make my own decisions for my child and my family. I noticed that in fact, I felt ok with our screen time use in our family.
I made contact with my center. I reconnected with my full self. I stepped into my power.
Welcoming ourselves back home
When return to ourselves after relating to the experience of others, we have the gift of seeing ourselves again. We come back to ourselves with new experiences and perspectives. In this moment, unknown parts of ourself might reveal themselves. What a gift that is.
And in another moment you might head out again. You might head out into the hearts of those anguishing in the world. You might share in the joy of those celebrating beside you. You might dive into the soul of the little one looking at you. You might take all of these trips in one day.
I invite you to use these experiences to better know yourself. I invite you to feel what is possible when you reconnect. I invite you to give yourself your fullest self.
Practices & Reflections
From Activated to Re-connected
I invite you to practice pausing when you feel activated and asking yourself ‘what is going on for me here’. Take a deep breath and drop all judgment. Whatever comes is allowed to come. Whatever you see is ok. You might even laugh a little bit, as I did when I realized I was adopting an Instagram post as a life-long mandate!
You might want to do this with pen and paper or perhaps quietly to yourself. As you name what is going on for you, listen to the voice inside of you that is naming those things, that is your center. Start to befriend it. You can repeat this practice as many times as you like for the rest of your life.
Leadership Embodiment Centering Practice
This 30-second practice from Leadership Embodiment by Wendy Palmer is a great somatic practice to help us come into contact with our center. I also highly recommend her book in the link above. It is filled with exercises to help us return to our center.