02. Wow, I am worth of all that?!

Oct 17

Hello to all 29 of you! Thank you for being here. I feel like I have been writing newsletters in my head for months, but this is the first one that will be out of my head and in the world.

The intention of this newsletter is to share what was explored and discovered in client sessions in hopes that it can act as a self-guided coaching session for you and anyone you feel called to share this with as well. If what we explored resonates with you, there are also practices and resources linked at the bottom of each post to support you in your own self-exploration.

And, please feel free to email back! I would love any feedback, follow up questions, or other wonderings you have that we might explore together in the future.

Here we go! In this inaugural letter, I felt called to share my recent experience with a client re-examining and re-approaching the concept of ‘self-worth’. As we introduce this term, it feels important to name something I sense in myself and perhaps you feel too, which is the commercialization of this word. It is as though this word has been sold to me many times over. Even writing it here irks me a bit. However in this client session, I was able to witness a growth in self-worth from a new place…from a rooted place.

It became apparent in working with this client that self-confidence can get knocked. We might make mistakes. We might fail. Our self-confidence might wax and wane depending on our performance. But also through this client’s self-exploration, I saw that there is something we all have infinite access to, despite of our performance, which is inherent worth and belonging in the world.

My invitation is for us to acknowledge that access and cultivate a deep connection to our inherent self-worth and belonging in the world. It is a long-standing invitation without any expectations. It might take a day it might take many lifetimes, but my hope is that it creates new possibilities for you as it did for my client and for myself.

In this post I will walk through our journey as we stepped into what might be possible if we believed that we were worthy and that we belonged.

1. Inquiring into what is

In this way of coaching, there is an ever-present invitation to see what is in front of us, without any ideas of what we ‘should’ see or be. We call this ‘self-observation’. From this place, I could see that ‘self-worth’ on the surface felt like a word that I was familiar with but I could now see just how ambiguous and far away it felt.

This client and I both had a strong cognitive understanding of the word but not a felt-sense of the word. We could spell it, we could define it, we could use it in a sentence, but we couldn’t feel it in us.

2. Re-approaching something with earnest curiosity

By simply naming what was true for us, we now could sense into the ambiguity that was alive for us both. We now had a permission to re-approach this big word and concept with a fresh set of eyes.

Without all of the ‘should’s’ - I should have self-worth, I should be able to ask for what I want, I should be confident - what remained was an earnest curiosity of how we might embody self-worth.

At the end of the session, I offered to design a practice to guide them in exploring their own connection to self-worth. *I have included these for you at the bottom of this post. As I opened myself to new possibilities and wonderings, something struck me: perhaps we are neglecting our most basic worthiness and the most basic worthiness of others.

It seems to me that we often associate things like promotions, a higher salary, or a ‘big successful life’ with a sense of self-worth. But what is beneath all of that?

~Tiny worthy beings~

In looking at my 1-year-old son, I got to witness another expression of self-worth. Babies ask for what they need and have no qualms about getting those needs met. Babies are never apologizing for crying.

And since we were all babies once, I figure we all must have this expression of worth somewhere inside of our somatic body. When I scan my body, I can connect with a more foundational ‘self-worth’ in my hips or root chakra. As I locate it, I can see how far it feels from the place I generally approach self-worth from, which is my brain or my head.

I could see now that the form of self-worth I was trying to connect with existed many layers above my root-beliefs. My current connection to self-worth was like a tree trying to grow tall and mighty without a root system to anchor it.

3. Working with wonderings

And so I wondered, ‘what are the roots of our self-worth?’. Said another way: ‘What is every human inherently worthy of?’ As with all wonderings, the power is not so much in the ‘right answer’, but rather with what is illuminated in our system (our mind, heart, body, etc) from holding the question.

*This reflection is offered to you in the ‘practice’ section at the bottom of this post. If you like, you can pause here to reflect and write down your answers.

What came up for me, which might be different for you, was: we're worthy of possibilities, we're worthy of connection to others and connection to ourselves, we're worthy of exploring our desires, we’re worthy of nurturing and being nurtured, and the opportunity to thrive.

As I listed these, I paused… no mention of money, success or job promotions, but all of the sudden felt like much more. But I also felt like wow, I am worthy of all of that!?

4. New possibilities emerge

Perhaps its not what we achieve or how we perform that defines our self-worth, but its our belief that we inherently belong in the world - inclusive of our flaws, mistakes and quirks. What if we believed that our humanness was enough?

I started to imagine what my day-to-day life might look like if I felt a deep connection to my inherent belonging in the world… perhaps you could take a moment to close your eyes and imagine the same for yourself.

Somatically, I can feel my heart-space immediately expanding and a calming sensation appears in my limbs. My body feels safe and relaxed.

In my emotional body, I get a sense that there is room for us all, and I start to feel quite emotional at that thought. I feel a sigh of relief. We can all stop trying so hard. We can all just be. I feel a collective boulder being set down on the ground.

In my relationships, I can see that my needs and my way of being does not negate another’s nor does their’s negate mine. We can exist together while experiencing the world in completely different ways.

~Conflict as connection~

In meeting you all here, in a phase of life where you are acting in a role as ‘parent’, it would be naive not to point out that some (if not many) of the things in your ‘worthy list’ might go in direct conflict with the needs of others’.

I feel it is important to acknowledge that just because certain needs aren’t met or validated by others, they can remain valid and true for you.

From this place, I was able to see something else for the first time: I can see that in this conflict, there is an opportunity for connection. Bringing our needs into the world is an opportunity for communication. It is an opportunity to ‘weave’ yourself in harmony with another.

It is here that we can practice our communicating from our inherent worth and belonging. We can explore how we might our needs into the world where other people’s needs are also alive and present. Below are some resources, practices and reflections to support you as you connect with the unique roots of your worth.

Practices to support this exploration:

I often find the place to start that is most available to us is ourselves… here are some practices to guide you in a self-exploration of your relationship to self-worth. See some reflections, practices and resources below that might support you in reconnecting with self-worth.

Reflection: “What is every human (including myself) inherently worthy?”

As I mentioned, this is a wondering meaning that there is not a right answer only your answer. What you write is information about yourself and inherently true.

Practice: Draw the roots of your worth

Using the tree below or drawing a tree of your own, I invite you to create a visual of your ‘worthy list’. Simply write all of the things that came to you when you reflected on the question: “What is every human inherently worthy of?”. I invite you to hang this in a visible place and use it to reconnect to yourself and your worth when needed.

Staying in conversation…

That is all for now! I will be back in your inbox in 2 weeks with another letter. Thank you for being here. Sending you love and all of the autumn vibes! Lindsay

Lindsay Green